“…the details of unremarkable days” (after Ryan Schendler)
This is what I am stuck in. Wake up. Stand. Cook. Sit. Eat. Drink. Stand. Wash. Sit. Watch, play, listen. Keep sitting. Stand. Scrounge. Eat. Sit. Eat. Watch, play, listen. Keep sitting. Stand. Wash. Lay. Sleep.
It’s not a life. It’s an existence. A prison of my mind’s own making.
Every glimmer of opportunity or motivation that I might latch onto, every chance to break from the pattern and do something different, is buried under the relentless pressure of established habit. A tyranny of familiarity.
I don’t consider myself one who fears new things. Yet my behavior shows that I must, or else I would not be so trapped in this cycle.
I rewatch the same shows. I repeat the same music. I replay the same games. I am only motivated to read a book when it’s an author I already know. And in the rare instance that I travel, it is to places and events I have already been – same stories, different faces.
Life is too short. But the moment we exist in is too long and immediate for us to perceive that truth when we move through each day.
Life is too short. And for some that means seeking what comforts it has to offer. Why take a chance on something new and risk disappointment? You only have so many opportunities to enjoy yourself, and so much of life is spent unconscious or indebted to your obligations.
Life is too short. And for others that means seeking every new experience it has to offer. The new and the novel is their drug of choice. Why waste your time on a repeat experience when there are so many other new and exciting things to see? You only have so many opportunities to enjoy yourself, and so much of life is spent unconscious or engaged with the overly familiar.
“Life is too short.” Why are all the wisest sentiments trite cliches? Because truth is overly familiar?
All the same, life is too short to be stuck in the details of unremarkable days. Wake. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Aspire for more tomorrow.
I don’t have answers for how to break this pattern. But maybe now I’ll actually start looking for some.